For centuries, women have been subconsciously taught to be the martyr.
Give everything. Do everything. Put everyone else first. Keep everyone happy.
And somewhere along the way, many of us learned to believe that if we weren’t doing all of that, we were somehow failing.
So we feel guilty for resting. Guilty for saying no. Guilty for wanting more. Guilty for putting ourselves first.
And then one day, we wake up and think:
Why the fuck do I feel so drained?
Why am I exhausted?
Why do I feel pulled in a thousand different directions?
Why does everyone else's life seem to have a place on my priority list… except mine?
We have been taught not to take our own needs seriously
From a young age, women receive messages, sometimes subtle, sometimes obvious that being a "good woman" means being selfless.
Be helpful. Be accommodating. Don't be difficult. Don't ask for too much. Don't disappoint people. Don't be selfish.
And eventually, putting ourselves last can become so normal that we don't even question it.
Until our body and brain start screaming for the attention we've been refusing to give ourselves.
Burnout, overwhelm, resentment and exhaustion can be signs that something needs to change.
Not because you're failing. But because you matter too.
What do YOU actually want?
This is the question I think more women need to ask themselves.
Not:
"What should I want?"
Not:
"What will everyone else think?"
Not:
"What will make everyone else happy?"
But:
What do I actually want?
What matters to you?
What fills your cup?
What do you want your days to look like?
What do you want your children to see you doing?
What kind of life are you building?
And perhaps most importantly…
What legacy do you want to leave?
Because building a life around everyone else's expectations isn't the same as building a life that actually feels like yours.
And yes, boundaries might upset people
This is the bit we often struggle with.
Because when you've spent years keeping everyone happy, boundaries can feel uncomfortable.
Saying no can feel uncomfortable.
Asking for what you want can feel uncomfortable.
And choosing yourself can feel really uncomfortable.
But someone being disappointed by your boundary doesn't automatically mean you've done something wrong.
You cannot please everyone.
And perhaps you were never supposed to.
This is one of the reasons I love entrepreneurship
Building a business isn't just about revenue.
It can be about creating choice.
Choice over how you spend your time.
Choice over what you build.
Choice over what matters to you.
Choice over how you work.
Choice over what you say yes to.
And yes, building a business takes work. It isn't a magical solution to having more time or freedom.
But when you build something intentionally around the life you actually want, rather than trying to squeeze your life around someone else's expectations, something can begin to shift.
You stop asking:
"How can I fit everything in?"
And start asking:
"What actually deserves my time?"
That's a very different question.
You are allowed to want more
More doesn't have to mean more money but it can completely mean that!
It might mean more freedom.
More flexibility.
More time with your children.
More creativity.
More purpose.
More confidence.
More time doing something that lights you up.
Whatever more means to you, you don't need to apologise for wanting it.
You don't need permission.
And you certainly don't need to make yourself smaller so that everyone around you feels comfortable.
So perhaps today, ask yourself:
What fills my cup?
And then ask:
What would my life look like if I started taking the answer seriously?
You might piss a few people off.
That's okay.
But you can start learning to please yourself.
And that's not selfish.
It's the beginning of building a life that is genuinely yours.