Embracing the ‘Lasts’ and Welcoming the ‘Firsts’
As I sit down to write my first blog post, I find my thoughts drifting to a bittersweet realisation: the ‘lasts’. The last time I’ll feed her, the last time I’ll carry her, the last time I’ll rock her to sleep. It’s a powerful and emotional feeling that every parent and especially every mother knows well. How can it be that my baby is already nearing her first birthday? And how do I already have a three year old? Time seems to fly faster with each child and it’s a strange feeling.
With my firstborn, I remember every milestone, every little first, so vividly. But with my second, these memories tend to blur and blend together. Often, I need to look back at photos or find myself in a familiar place to bring them all rushing back. It’s incredible, really, how we pour ourselves into their lives from the moment they exist, always anticipating what’s next while feeling nostalgic about what’s behind.
From the very start, we worry so much about them, don’t we? It’s a level of concern and care that, I’m guessing, lasts for their entire lives. Watching them grow fills me with endless joy, pride and happiness, but also sadness. I can’t help but worry about the day they won’t need me in the same way they do now.
As we approach my daughter’s first birthday and my son’s third, it’s a reflective time for me. I think about how I’ll never again feel those little kicks from within or watch my tummy involuntarily move in that magical way. Pregnancy and those first years of parenthood have brought me so much joy, so much growth, and a sense of purpose I never knew I’d have. I feel such gratitude for my body—for growing, birthing and nurturing them.
While I find myself saddened by the ‘lasts’ I know are inevitable, I also look forward to the many ‘firsts’ still ahead. Parenthood is full of change and though these transitions bring emotions that are sometimes hard to define; I am reminded to savour each moment, to find gratitude in the present and to embrace each new chapter.
So here’s to the journey—the beautiful, messy, joyful journey through motherhood. Here’s to cherishing every last and celebrating every first.
Catriona Bentley - BabyBeats Leeds Central East